Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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