just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
