How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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