great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
