peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
