I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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