Heybabeimwearingurpanties
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
