Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Sacagawea was the original milf.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
