my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
