im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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