it's too hot outside to masturbate.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
