We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
