Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
