I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
