i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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