I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I have peed in a lot of sinks
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
