omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Of course I have a pirate flag
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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