if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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