it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
