It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
