You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
