thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
