I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Randomize
