We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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