I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
