Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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