a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
