My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
