So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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