Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
