she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Randomize
