How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
