He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
