I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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