Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I need help removing her.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
