and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
