I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
