Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
