I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
smell my finger.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
