you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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