as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
