Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
