He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
