You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
