What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
