Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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