Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
