My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
