So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
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