so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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