He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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