My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
