i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
