hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
